Help
by This One Fool
Summary: We can't can't help each other anymore - ne, Rukia?  Angst with slight fluff - oh my! A story without any OCs! My first Bleach fic, at last!


Help

A/N: WARNING! Spoilers ahead! I do not own Bleach or any of its characters. It's much more fun to see what Tite Kubo has up his sleeve. ;)

He wanted to tell her he loved her. Before fighting Aizen, he wanted so badly to tell her how much she really meant to him. But he knew there was a decent chance he wasn't going to make his way out of this fight, and he didn't want that to be her last conversation with him – he wouldn't do that to her. He refused to be that selfish.

And afterward…afterward he didn't say anything because he realized their relationship was going to turn into a physical impossibility.

A relationship – any kind of relationship – is only possible if two or more beings interact in some way. Friends, lovers, enemies, family, it didn't matter – they all have to communicate one way or another.

Of course, you can love someone and no longer have a relationship with them.

For example, death.

When his mother died, he still loved her, but his relationship with her ended at the moment she died. She was no longer alive and had no way of communicating back with him anymore. Therefore, no relationship.

Ichigo was still going to love Rukia – in fact, he was quite certain he was _always_ going to love Rukia – but their relationship was going to end.

Although the thought sickened him, he knew that it wasn't going to be any different from Rukia being dead.

He wouldn't be able to see, hear, or touch her.

What was more like death than that?

He knew his seeming indifference at losing his powers shocked, confused, and maybe even hurt her, but he was doing his best to show her he'd be okay. He didn't want her to worry. She wouldn't be able to help him anymore.

Still, he thought he'd have more time. When he realized he was never going to be able to get his powers back, he knew he could never tell her. That would be a door in his soul that would always remain locked. To tell her now would not only be pointless and cowardly, but cruel. Ichigo was not cruel.

Her legs began to fade and he smiled sadly, realizing he was watching them – watching _her_ – die, at least for him.

Something in his face must have told her what was happening. "You're losing your power, aren't you?"

He nodded and feigned more nonchalance for her, pretending that he was not sad or scared or worried.

She teased him a little about her still seeing him without him seeing her and they said their last goodbye. The last sound of her voice he would carry with him forever.

Her face finally disappeared and Ichigo turned to Chad. "Is she still here?"

Chad simply nodded without changing his facial expression, deciding not to tell his friend that when Ichigo asked him that, tears began to silently make their way down Rukia's face. He would give them their last dignity.

Ishida looked away, thinking the same thing. Rukia wouldn't want him to know she cried and Ichigo shouldn't have to find out.

Orihime hid behind Chad the whole time. She didn't want to see this happening and she knew if Ichigo saw her face, he would know what Rukia was doing.

Rukia lifted her chin, still crying without a sound, and raised her hand to them in farewell. Staring into Ichigo's face with fierce determination, she raised a hand to him as well.

Chad tried to help. "She's –"

Ichigo cut him off. "I know." Still staring in vague direction of the space she occupied, Ichigo raised a hand in return. "I'll see you in sixty or seventy years – ne, Rukia?"

His friends said nothing as she laughed through her tears and vanished, flash-stepping down the block as fast as she could while laughing and crying at the same time.

"She's gone." Chad said gently.

"I know." said Ichigo. The terrible sense of loss told him so.

_You can't help me anymore – ne, Rukia? You can't help me with my homework or what to get Yuzu and Karin for their birthday. I can't help you, either. I can't help to protect you anymore._

She would never know how much that killed him inside. Never know that when he slept, he sometimes had violent nightmares about her dying in some unknown place, dimensions away from him, because she had no on there to protect her anymore.

She didn't have the courage to go back to Karakura Town after that. Not for months. And when she finally felt like she was getting up the nerve, orders from many of her superiors strongly suggested she never set foot there again.

_Kuchiki Rukia,_

_Now that the Arrancar crisis is over, we feel it is best that Karakura Town be left to sort itself out. We know that you have had strong ties with the humans who reside there in the past and will notify you if these contacts become necessary again. Until then, please refrain from mixing in with human society._

_1__st__ Division Office  
>Seireitei<br>Soul Society_

It was prettily written but she knew what it meant: never go back to Karakura Town. Never go back to Kurosaki Ichigo.

How could she ever obey an order as ludicrous as that?

Every time she was sent to the human world (which was more than most, because unlike the other Shinigami, she had more than a few hours of experience), she would take the time to see him. Him and no one else. Only in spirit form.

She knew she was just a reminder of a painful past now. She didn't want to cause him problems or keep him from moving on.

It was her own foolish fault she couldn't let go of him.

She watched him at his job – this time a construction job Ikumi assigned him on. Or more accurately, a demolition job.

Kurosaki Ichigo didn't need Shinigami powers – he could yank railings from staircases and rip cabinets apart piece by piece with his bare hands. She saw it with her own eyes, standing unnoticed in the middle of the room, silently dazed at the sight of seventeen-year-old Ichigo ripping objects apart by himself, with no shirt on and sweat dripping down his back.

"You're almost a man now – legally, I mean." she realized out loud, unfazed by his ignorance. This was not the first time she had one of these one-sided conversations with him. "It's been almost sixteen months now…You won't remember in sixty or seventy years, you know. Soon, you'll leave high school. You'll move out and throw away all those pictures I left. Then you'll get married and have kids and slowly, you'll forget about me and what you and I did together. It will become a dream to you."

She followed him home, trailing him easily. He was in the bathroom showering when she came in. Karin was so surprised to see her, she shrieked and backed into a chair.

Rukia put a finger to her lips. "Please."

Karin nodded. "I won't say anything to him. But he wonders why you don't visit, you know."

"I –"

"Karin, what was that scream for?" Ichigo shouted, opening the bathroom door a crack.

"Horror movie preview." Karin lied easily. "It was the television, Ichi-nii."

"Hm." Ichigo grunted, closing the door again.

As Ichigo ate dinner with Rukia sitting in the seat across from him, patiently watching him, Karin couldn't stop herself from staring back and forth from one to the other.

Karin knew that her brother couldn't see spirits – she had a long time to adjust to this fact. But still, the idea that he couldn't see _Rukia_ was strange to her. It was just…she was _Rukia._

His Rukia.

But he ate dinner with her _right there_ and didn't say a word. Didn't take any notice to her walking up the stairs behind him or sitting on his bed while he did his homework.

When he went to sleep, she was there with him, squeezing his hand in hers. He never noticed. "You're so strong," Rukia murmured, her violet gaze pleasantly taking in the hard abdominal muscles beneath his shirt and the veins and tendons etched clearly in his hands and arms. He was taller than before, too – he towered over her more than ever. "Even after all of this, you're still so strong."

"Not strong enough to hide his pain." A voice whispered gently from the doorway.

She whirled in the chair. "Orihime?"

The redhead was lovelier than ever now. Orihime smiled at her old friend sadly. "Sorry. I felt your reiatsu and had to check…He's not really that happy, you know."

"What do you mean? He's doing fine." Rukia said defensively. "He has a good life."

"I know. But he was 'fine' before he met you, too. And he wasn't happy then, either, Rukia-chan."

A silver tear – one single drop – rolled down her cheek. "I know." she whispered. "But there's nothing I can do, Orihime. I can't help him. You and I, we can't help each other anymore, Ichigo."


End file.
